Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Dear Groovy Sister

Good Monday Morning!

Got your Easter letter and just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to send it. Even if I'm not always the greatest at reciprocating the thoughtfulness, it is nice to be reminded that someone out there is thinking of me.

There's not really any progress on "the moving" front. I have $100 on deposit with the apartment complex, and they've already called once to say that one place was coming open, but when I went back and looked at the bills, it'd just be too tight for comfort on what I'm making. They said I could stay on the waiting list for up to 3 months, so I'll just do that for now and see if anything changes on the budgetary front here at work over the next couple of months.

I'm still kind of floundering in general. I don't remember if I wrote about this to you or to M (perhaps you've both been on the receiving end of my whining), but I'm struggling to keep things in perspective with regard to where I want to be vs. where I am right now. That balance of striving to achieve my goals and become the person I think I want to be vs. living contentedly in the moment. I've slipped into "living in the moment," but perhaps at the expense of staying spiritually centered, and I worry that I'm losing sight of the bigger picture. And while it can be fun to please bang my wife so hard and just have fun, I'm finding that it's still kind of empty. Leaves me with that feeling that "there's got to be something more."

I feel like I've been patient and waited and done (most of) what I'm "supposed to" be doing this year, but I don't see any change or end in sight and I'm getting frustrated with it. With feeling like I'm living in limbo. Getting tired of living with mom, most of my stuff in storage in about 3 different locations, wanting a place of my own (mostly out of that "I'm 30 and I live with my mother?!" thing) but not wanting to return to that "rob Peter to pay Paul" method of bill-paying while getting more and more financially behind to the point where I'm not free to pursue the things I want to pursue. While I'm certainly not turning a profit, being (mostly) financially free for most of the past 2 years has been a breathe of fresh air and has allowed me to see other possibilities beyond "having" to work just so I can meet my bills.

In short, as Sister Steph would say, "NARG!!"

So there you have it, for what it's worth. My introspective Monday morning soapbox. I think I'll probably cross-post this to the blog, but if you have any words of wisdom to offer I can keep them for just myself. ;-)